As Lance Armstrong so astutely observed , “Hater-tots” are the breakfast of (some) Tour de France champions. And really, who are we to argue with such success? So, in the spirit of Le Tour, we examine – just in time for a Hater-tot fueled attack on Mont Ventoux – the Hater-tots that may be gracing certain tables tomorrow morning.
Catch us after the jump…
Looks mmm-mmm good, doesn’t it? Why, there’s enough Hater-tots there for 7 Tours! But perhaps not every fan of the Tour could stomach that. Perhaps some folks need their own, how you say . . . hatersauce?
Lance Armstrong’s Hater-tots
* 4 medium sized russet potatoes
* 1 cup Flour
* 1/4 cup minced Shallot (onion can be substituted, but shallots are best)
* 1 tablespoon salt
* 1 tablespoon freshly ground pepper
* 2 teaspoons onion powder
* 2 teaspoons garlic powder
* 1-2 dashes cayenne pepper
Grate potatoes onto a paper towel. Squeeze as much liquid as possible out of the potatoes (either using paper towels, a salad spinner or squishing them in a colander). Chop slivers of potatoes into smaller pieces and place in a large bowl.
Add spices, stir to combine. Add flour, and continue adding, until you’re able to roll little “tots” that stick together and maintain their shape. If they don’t stick together, add more flour.
Roll the little tots and place on parchment or waxed paper to get them ready for frying.
Heat oil in deep fryer or a frying pan until it reaches about 350 degrees.
Drop the Hater-tots into the oil and cook until heated through and browned on all sides. Remove tots and place on paper towels to soak up the excess oil. Salt the tots while they are still hot.
Now Lance (to say nothing of his legions of fans), he has been convinced for years that the French just *love* Hater-tots. And since they are French, they cannot have just the ketchup. No, they have something more French. Say, a moutarde de Dijon? If you plan to go through many Hater-tots in large quantities, one can get this sauce is very easy…just squeeze some store-bought Dijon mustard into your bowl and you’ll be on your way. If not? Well, you have a bit of work ahead of you. If you decide to make your own, grab a Hinault mortar and pestle kit and attack, attack, attack the mustard seeds.
But surely, it is not just the French who enjoy the goodness of Hater-tots! Hmm, what other European country has a demonstrated affinity for potatoes prepared in boiling oil? Ah, yes, Spain (fans of boiling oil, in general, no?). And who knows, there may be a Spanish rider who thinks a healthy serving of Hater-tots will be just the thing tomorrow morning. And all he needs is a little bit of his own special hatersauce.
El Pistolero Sauce
The Spanish sauce uses a Sofrito tomato base paired with a strong curry flavoring. While this sauce may have a quiet appearance, one taste will reveal that it is complex, strong and brings in a sneaky kick at the end.
- 1/3 cup tomate sofrito
- 2 tablespoons soy mayonnaise
- 1/2 tablespoon white vinegar
- 1/2 tsp paprika
- 1/4 tsp ground cumin
- cayenne pepper
Combine all ingredients in a small bowl. Add vinegar and cayenne until you get the taste you desire.
While it might strike some as impossible that anything could follow the Spanish hatersauce, one need only to look to Armstrong’s fellow Americans for hope. Tomorrow morning, somewhere in American on a modest table covered with yellow jerseys, there will be a pile of Hater-tots. And they will be enjoyed with a lovely LemonD Ill Sauce. Use fresh dill and lemon and you’ll have a light and zesty accompaniment to your Hatertots. This sauce is best served just like Lemond’s reaction to Lance returning to Le Tour – cold. And remember, don’t use too much lemon, or it’ll turn out quite sour.
LeMond Ill Sauce
- 1/2 cup sour cream
- 1/4 cup soy mayonnaise
- 2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
- 1 teaspoon lemon juice
- salt and pepper to taste
Put all ingredients into a bowl, and stir to combine. Best served cold.
Cross posted at Podiumcafe.com.
A special thanks to Mark Blacknell for his special guest appearance proving cycling commentary to this post.
Photos by Megabeth.